The Unhappiest Baby on the Block

Good lord, Jack cries a lot. When we get up in the morning and make breakfast he cries, when I try to put clothes on so we can go outside he cries, when we come back inside and take a nap he cries, waiting for dinner to cook he cries, when it’s time for bed he cries.

Sometimes I feel like smoke is going to come out of my ears and the top of my head is going to pop off like in a Looney Tunes cartoon. I try to practice all of the gentle parenting tricks of the trade. I wear him, I nurse him, I speak gently to him. Then there are times when I put him down, turn on the TV and snap at him. I hate myself on those days. Sometimes it seems every day.

I tell myself I have to stop writing about this, shut down the Facebook page and stop working on this Attachment Parenting mission because I am fraud. I am not gentle. I am terrible and awful and a bad mother. I cry. I cry. I cry.

Sometimes I think Jack deserves better. Like I should get a job and send him to daycare where someone else might give him the love and nurturance that he needs. That I can’t give him. That I fail at on a daily basis.

I want to punch windows, drink bottles of wine, scream at the top of my lungs, eat all of the food in the house, flip tables over, throw myself down the stairs. I hate this feeling. Like the most important thing I am doing I suck at. Like I can’t escape this now. Like I can’t go on. Like I’m depriving my son of the very things I advocate for other mothers to give their children because I know how vital it is.

I snuggle him when he sleeps. He latches on. His face is peaceful. I kiss his head. It’s warm. I have to do better. I have to be better. I just have to.

Abby Theuring, MSW

Abby Theuring

The Badass Breastfeeder is a mother, writer, social worker, attachment parent, proud breastfeeder and advocate. Her career as a social worker has shown her that gentle and connected parenting is vital for life-long emotional health. You can find her blog at www.thebadassbreastfeeder.com and Facebook page at www.facebook.com/TheBadassBreastfeeder.

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Lea Cohen says:

January 25, 2015 at 4:12 pm

My heart goes out to you...My Third baby cried for 11 months... (and at age 30 today still shows no signs of having suffered from it... since he was BF 4 years and carried a lot! I think that helped him survive.)
My grandson also cried like yours.
I'm wondering, after the fact... if having lots of Cranial/Sacral Therapy might not help. And verify with super specialists that he isn't tongue-tied. This sort of Posterior TT can cause all sorts of restrictions elsewhere in the body, which is why C/S therapy is necessary. Would love to have feed-back.
And sorry, I can't read all 64 previous comments... mine might already have been made!
Julie says:

January 24, 2015 at 3:33 pm

It always feel good to read something like this, even if I've always been aware I'm not alone. Sometimes we need our own space but not at times that our babies want to let us have it. you're doing great. you're giving him the best you have. When your baby cries and you're too tired to even feel like hugging him, he learns that you're human, you have your limits. He still loves you and you still love him, even if it's not the first thing in your mind at that time.
Meredith Piscitelli says:

January 24, 2015 at 1:23 pm

This blog was posted in December of 2012. What a wonderful outpouring of support Abby got from everybody. Nobody told her what to do or what she was doing wrong. They all just supported her. That's so nice.
I'm wondering where she is now (at home/at work) and how Jack is doing.
If you're reading this, Abby, would you please take a minute to answer? I sure hope Jack has outgrown his exhausting crying for your sake and his. I'm sure he wasn't happy with his behavior either.
Sincerely ..........
MamaSnuggle says:

January 24, 2015 at 12:37 pm

Thank you for writing your important story - I'll bet it was cathartic in a way. We as Mothers are so afraid of being judged and admitting when things are not perfect. It took balls to put yourself out there. This brought me to tears because I've been there....and a lot of Mothers have been there. THANK YOU.
Franka says:

January 24, 2015 at 11:08 am

Oh wow, i could write the exact same! I have the second baby now crying my Brain to mash, every day, every Week, every month and i cant belive this is Happening again.
Everybody told me there is such a little chance you get two of those babys, but now we have two. I often think i go crazy.. Its like you can do nothing right. I often think im the most aweful mom. But i also think everybody will resign sometime with that kind of extreme struggle.
It get's better after a year, though my first Child turning 3 still cries alot more than others..
Thank you for your honest Report! It helps knowing mit to be alone.
Tiffany says:

January 24, 2015 at 1:08 am

This was me today and on many days! My beautiful little daughter is the highlight of my life... She's everything I've ever wanted and I love her so deeply. With that said, today I nearly lost it.. I did some deep breathing and definitely bit my tongue. It's so hard when they won't stop crying, breaks my heart. I just put her down after she spent most of the night screaming as I tried so hard to hug her and make her happy. I'm sitting here feeling like I've just been through a battle.
shery says:

January 23, 2015 at 11:55 pm

Thank you for validating us as mothers and parents and the emotional toll hard work it really takes raising an emotionally intelligent child. Sometimes it feels like we are the student (which we truly are).
Bianca says:

January 23, 2015 at 9:48 am

ohhhhh this is exactly how I feel right now! Thankyou so much for sharing!! I had such a terrible night trying to get my nearly two year old to sleep while we kept switching from one breast to the other, that wasn't the bad part! It's the fidling and pulling and hurting the OTHER nipple! It gave me rage like I just wanted to push my son away and I was mean :( and he just took even longer to get to sleep! I feel like it's my fault for co sleeping and breastfeeding to sleepand now he's nearly two and even self soothe sighhhh I hope all you mamas are having a good night xx
Emily says:

January 23, 2015 at 6:12 am

Thank you for posting that. I spent 45 minutes tonight trying to get my 3 year old in the car and safely buckled. She was not having any of it. I begged, I tried speaking softly, I tried rewarding her, I tried threatening her. Then I tried to control her (at some point, we needed to get home and she needed to be safe). It must have sounded like I was torturing her, trying desperately to manage arms and legs kicking and flailing. Eventually, I managed to get her buckled and get home, crying myself. And that's when I felt the greatest pain. I thought, maybe I'm not meant to be a mother... Maybe the thing that I've always believed was in my very being, just isn't true (I believed this so much that I had her on my own with donor sperm at 40). And that was the most crushing feeling ever. But after a calm bath, she looked at me and said "mamma I'm sorry I make you cry". And I knew I didn't make a mistake.
Pamela Patterson says:

November 24, 2013 at 9:00 pm

I hear you... although I have to say I have resorted to a glass of wine now and then (or every evening after I've survived the day). Its a HARD journey...
My 14 month old cries and is clingy. My 11 year old step daughter throws world ending temper tantrums. My 10 year old daughter and 9 year old step-daughter throw hissy fits that put supermodels to shame. My 13 year old son has become a master of Sulking and Moodiness... And daily I wonder how I can be allowed to be a parent because I don't have a clue how to make everyone happy...
WE just need to keep going on, trying our best... what else can we do?
- Stacey Stroh says:
  
  January 24, 2015 at 9:28 am
  
  I think that's the problem right there: "I don't have a clue how to make everyone happy" It's not our job as women or parents to make "everyone happy" even though that is what society tries to groom women to do. The best example you can be is to make yourself happy.